I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
