i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
