You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
