You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
