I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
