can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was like eating out sand paper
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
