piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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