I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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