I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
