Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
