Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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