just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
