Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
