I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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