We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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