guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
