At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
