I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize