She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
