Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
