We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
