Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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