Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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