You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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