U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I intend to get homeless drunk
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
