Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
