Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
