pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
