Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are the jesus of drinking
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
