i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
