Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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