She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize