you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
