Barsexuality is the new black.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize