hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
