Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
