I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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