i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's official drugs can't kill me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
