Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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