is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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