I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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