Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
