Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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