If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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