booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Randomize
