he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
