I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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