I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
