Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just had sex on a roof
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize