I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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