All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize