Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
