pedialite and red bull = repair kit
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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