I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
