You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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