Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
whose parrot is this?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
