best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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