i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
