if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
