i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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