She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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