nut hugger
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
