I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
