I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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