trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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