ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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