the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
